At Least

When you take time to glance back through your memory at the pictures from your life, what do you want to see?

Most people hope to make the most of their talents, their time, their lives as a whole. However, as we have progressed through 2020, the concept of “at least” seems to be becoming more and more prevalent in some circles.

Though it really does not need to be defined, I took a moment to look at the actual definition of “at least.” I found the phrases “at the minimum” and “if nothing else” used to quantify “at least.”

Why then are people so willing to accept the least?

The phrase “at least you’re (they’re) alive” has become a go-to response as it relates to any criticism of government officials and public policies by private citizens who would like more from their lives than simply being alive.

Another common catch phrase as I read discussions surrounding the virus that has changed our lives over the course of a mere few months is “if it was you,” or “if it were you” if someone has a grasp on grammatical correctness.

I have spent the last several months more immersed in the COVID drama than I would like to have been, as have most people I would imagine. That being the case, I have spent some time thinking about the at least and the if it was you points.

In March when much of the nation issued shelter in place directives, we complied with the government’s stated goal of “flatten the curve.” As my husband so eloquently put it, “Most people like to help where they can; they don’t want to contribute to making a bad situation worse.”

During the second half of March, we basically stayed home, though we took walks outside in the sunshine and fresh air as often as the weather allowed. We canceled the trip we had planned for my birthday weekend, but we did get take-out on the actual day of my birthday.

As April came and the 14 days to flatten the curve had passed, we grew hopeful for a bit more freedom. But that didn’t happen. Fast forward to early May when we still hadn’t been given much of any freedoms back, my husband and I ventured south of our border, into Ohio. They had opened their restaurants, and the idea of going out, seeing the faces of other people, it seemed pretty good to me.

Our governor had told us people were terrified to go back to work. In Ohio, on the second night restaurants were open, we found people who were polite, holding the door for us; a host who was pleased to seat us in a private booth; and waitresses who were laughing and talking with the group of people on the patio to whom she had just delivered a full tray of large margaritas.

Not long after that, we ventured back across the border so that I could get a haircut, something that we were still forbidden to do after four months of “lockdown” in our state.

Venturing across the border was a bit of a rebellious act under those circumstances, and I took pleasure in it. But in all honesty, my husband and I had frequently crossed the border for everything from shopping to dining to visiting, and even renting cabins, at the state parks in Ohio throughout the years that we had lived close enough to the border to do so.

We now have family in the northern areas of Ohio. We even continued to permit my young adult nephew and niece to drop in and stay with us anytime as they passed by on the freeway headed north to see other family members.

Family is family. They have never been virus carrying vectors coming from another state with all of their potential exposure. They’re my niece and nephew, and I welcome the chance to see them whenever it’s appropriate.

While I had seen my nephew and niece during the stay home orders, I hadn’t seen my parents. We had talked about going up north to surprise my mom on Mother’s Day, but I didn’t think it was the right time. The stay home order was still in place in our state, but that was of no concern to me. The timing just didn’t seem right. 

It was Friday morning of the first weekend in June. My niece and nephew were going to stay with my parents – their grandparents, and my youngest sister, and I needed to be with family. My husband had independently suggested we see if we could get a room at the “mom and pop” hotel a mile from my parents’ home, and once he confirmed we could get a room for the weekend, we packed our overnight bags and headed north.

We spent much of those two days outside because the weather was temperate and perfect for getting some fresh air and sunlight. It was a fun weekend – exactly what I needed to deal with the frustration of fighting an “at least” directive.

We have since spent time in Ohio getting cupcakes, having the best Thai food in either state, and most recently visiting a favorite orchard.

We had dinner around the fire on some friends’ patio. I had coffee with a friend outside on their “perch” on a pleasant afternoon. We’ve spent time with both my family and my husband’s family, gathering outside whenever possible. In case you’ve noticed a theme, yes, we are cognizant of other people’s health, and we just really like being outside enjoying the pleasant weather while we have it.

We have chosen to continue doing the things we’ve always done to the greatest extent possible. We have even been able to make a move we have been planning on making for quite some time. We have been able to explore new restaurants and new parks, and I even found a stylist to put some red accents in my hair.

We’ve done most of those things while wearing the requisite masks and observing the social distance, that again I will assert people who understand social norms have observed long before this plague – because it’s rude to be in a stranger’s personal space. The challenge is in doing so with family. I realize that introducing a new “people group” brings with it a new set of possible exposure, it’s hard to view family in that way, though for some it may be very necessary. Each family’s situation differs and is likely even fluid, particularly as this situation lingers on.

My husband and I continue to exercise, eat fresh food – though my angst creates a desire for sweets (oddly enough especially for Oreos, are perimenopause cravings a thing?), sleep well, practice frequent hand washing (as a meme I saw had said “I was washing my hands before washing your hands was cool.”), and address the stress that we have in our personal lives apart from the craziness of 2020. Not only do I believe, but I also know that those things will strengthen the immune system and make recovery from any illness more likely.

To answer the “at least” and the “if it was you,” well: at least I have lived life the way I would have wanted to the greatest extent possible over the course of the last several months despite the best efforts of government officials to prevent me from doing so.

If it were me, I would still adhere to my end of life choices, and if it were me, I now have all of the memories from this strangest of years that I’ve made in spite of some government overreach that would have taken them away. Life once lost is lost forever as we know, but time once lost is also lost forever.

If it were me, at least I can say that I have done what I morally and legally could in my community and state, through campaigns like Stand-Up Michigan and the Unlock Michigan petition drive, to fight for the freedoms for which so many people have given their lives.

I have also voted to protect those freedoms because they are not “my” freedoms only, they are yours as well. This virus crisis is but a moment in history. Freedoms once lost are not necessarily lost forever, but they are difficult to regain as the power-hungry people who seek to take freedoms and gain power will not give back their power easily. The virus is legitimate; still I encourage you to be future focused as well.

As I look back on this year though, I see those at leasts as cherished memories and decent accomplishments.

If it were me, it really doesn’t matter whether I die from COVID, any other medical cause, or an accident. I assumed the risk that comes with living when I was born. That choice was made for me. The choice as to how I manage those risks is my own, or it should be.

It should be yours as well. I hope that you have the opportunity to make the choices that are best for you and your family because you know better than anyone else how you should manage your risks, and how you should make the most of your life.

If it were me, I would hope that in my absence you remember how important it was to me that you have those rights because I believe that being alive without being free falls below even that lowest of bars “at least you’re alive.”