Fixating on Fear

Fear is a great motivator.

Is it?

According to Merriam-Webster fear is defined as follows: “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger : an instance of this emotion: a state marked by this emotion: anxious concern : solicitude: profound reverence and awe especially toward God: reason for alarm : danger.”

While researching the definition of fear, I found that fear not only has a psychological definition, which is not at all surprising, but it also has a medical definition and is accepted as a diagnosis according to the North American Nursing Diagnosis Association.

The Psychology Today website points out what most of us know, without fear, we would not be able to prepare and to defend ourselves from legitimate danger and threats. Fear may also prevent us from doing things that are unwise, even if that fear is strictly fear of consequences.

The online source Elite Daily, with which I am not very familiar, posted an article suggesting we embrace fear as a motivator. The article by Ashley Arcel entitled “5 Reasons Why You Should Use Fear as Motivation to Achieve Greater Things,” suggests that “Fear means something important is about to happen.” The author also suggests that “embracing fear means embracing growth,” and that fear should become a friend of ours because it is part of life.

While fear is certainly part of life, and while the “conquering” of our fears may lead to personal growth, it’s not always the case that fear is an indicator of positive action. It is likely not always associated with something legitimately important either.

If we look back at the Merriam-Webster definition, we see that fear can show itself as the anticipation of danger. Many times, especially for those of us who are prone to excessive anxiety or worry, fear is just a shadow. It passes away without anything significant having occurred.

Psychology Today released an article in 2009 entitled “The Most Powerful Motivator: How Fear Is Etched Into Our Brains.” Author Robert Evans Williams Jr argues that fear is a negative motivator. He points to the paralyzing affects of fear as his primary reasoning in this article, and cites another of his own articles entitled “Fear vs. Power” regarding the negative impact of using fear as a motivational tool.

Out of curiosity, I quickly read through “Fear vs. Power.” The 2013 article focused primarily on the strained relationship between police in many communities and the people that the police departments are there to serve and protect. He does though, in a way, make the point I was driving toward in this post.

He concludes his article with the following sentence:

“In her book, Freedom from Fear, Nobel Peace Prize winner and Burmese opposition leader, Aung San Suu Kyi said, ‘It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it.'”

I believe fear has recently taken hold in our country. It’s not just my opinion, but, given the title of my blog, I have been listening, reading, and observing since mid 2016.

I have read posts and listened to discussions prior to the election in which many on the one side feared losing their right to own weapons and feared losing their right to certain aspects of their religious freedoms while many on the other side feared losing their right to be treated equally or feared losing the opportunity to continue to live in the United States.

Those considering a third option feared that the candidate might not know enough about geography to be a world leader, or that his ideas regarding limiting government were unrealistic. Even more people feared casting a vote for a third party because they were told that their vote would be wasted or would lead to a terrible outcome by robbing someone else of votes.

Now that the election has taken place, the votes have been counted, and the inauguration has taken place, the fear continues to escalate it seems.

On the day of the inauguration, a few chose to express their displeasure through destructive and violent behavior. As I read commentary on the rioting, I saw many people defending the actions of those who participated, not in the peaceful marches, but in the riots. The comments carried a universal theme throughout, “they’re afraid that….”

In some cases “fear of the scourge of power” has been sadly well earned. But in some cases fear of the unknown can cloud judgement and can stand in the way of our accomplishing great things rather than propel us to accomplish great things.

While fear is certainly part of each of our lives, and while it must be met head on at times, I do not believe fear is the best of motivators. Fear is often the basis for prejudice, rash judgements, emotional rather than rational decision making, and unproductive action taking.

There are problems in our world, our country, our communities, and in our own lives.

As we consider the problems in our country and in our communities in particular, we can avoid the unproductive aspects of fear by sifting through the hyperbole, looking beyond the sensationalism – particularly in the headlines, and challenging the biases (that we all have) and getting as close to the actual facts as possible; then focusing on those issues that are truly significant rather than viewing every shadow someone casts as a catastrophic threat; and finally formulating a plan to become appropriately involved when we believe action is needed.

While it is inaccurate to say that fear is not a motivator, fear is an emotion, often fueled through a symbiotic relationship with other emotions. Keeping fear in perspective should allow us to think things through and to find motivation through the more viable facets of our lives.

Many of us are aware of that inspirational line from the inaugural address of a former President who was, according to historical records, not well known by the nation he was about to lead, yet Franklin D. Roosevelt delivered the now frequently quoted sentence with confidence: “First of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. ” 

As I listened to his inaugural address, I found that another of his powerful statements allows for hope to replace fear: “This great nation will endure, as it has endured….” 

 

 

 

 

 

One Dark December Night

Dark grey clouds rushed across the twilight sky. I wrapped my cat up and held her tight to me to shield her from the cruel wind that pushed the clouds and pushed at us as we walked to the car.

In less time than it would take for the car to become warm, we would be at the vet. I knew what Cali didn’t as I held her while my husband Pete drove. It hurt my heart.  

We would not be bringing Cali home with us.

Just two months earlier on a warmer than usual autumn afternoon,  we had taken Cali to the vet to have her treated for a strange spot on her belly. We thought it was some kind of parasite, though our cats are strictly indoor cats. 

It wasn’t a parasite.

I was incredibly surprised to hear that my gold tabby cat had breast cancer, and that it was fairly advanced. 

We listened as the vet gave us the prognosis, which was poor, and as he shared the options for treatment.  We opted to keep her as comfortable as possible for whatever time she had left.

I cried a bit that evening, but I was glad we knew and could help her. Within about five days of her starting the pain meds, she was nearly back to the Cali I had known for so long.

We come to know our pets, and I knew Cali had been showing signs of her advancing age for several months. She had stopped coming upstairs to our bedroom. She needed the chair to get up on the table where their food bowls are. She had a spot near her back paw that she didn’t like me to touch or brush, so I left that spot alone. 

I have felt more than a little guilty for not having checked the spot more carefully.  

It was while my sisters were visiting that my sister Steph discovered the primary tumor, what we had determined might be a parasite after she found it, that led to the vet visit two days after she discovered it. 

Steph had been the one who had found Cali when Steph was still a teenager living with my parents at the little motel they owned. A neighbor had been evicted and had left Cali behind. 

And now Steph,  the former paramedic, had found what turned out to be cancer. 

We were happy that the medication helped Cali to become more active and social again, but we knew that it would  not cure her.

The medicine gave us about two more good months together before she told me what I had started to see on Christmas day, she was starting to suffer.  

The time had come for me to keep my promise to her that she would not suffer. In keeping that promise,  I had to make the decision to end her life. 

I hated the cancer, and the thought that I would be without Cali, and the choice I had to make, but I had to do it because I loved her.

I couldn’t escape the reality or avoid the sadness on that dark,  December night. I hope that the memory of those final moments with Cali, though mercifully peaceful for her,  will soon fade and be replaced with the brighter memories of her, watching with seeming interest from the table as I cooked or cleaned,  sleeping on most of my pillow while I slept on a corner of it, waiting impatiently for her turn to clean our yogurt containers, and licking my bowl on spaghetti night because she always did like Pete’s pasta sauce.  

Even though the final days were hard, the 12 years I shared with Cali were a gift for which I will always be grateful. 

Making It Meaningful

I have no passion.

I used to have passion so I know what it feels like to have it, and I know what it feels like to lose it.

In years past, I have done things like run half marathons with Team in Training, a fundraising branch of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I have ridden in the American Diabetes Association’s Tour de Cure to raise money to fund research and to provide resources for those affected by the disease. I rode in 2015 for my 17-year-old niece who was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 8, and in 2016 I rode with her.

That was something I was excited about. I don’t have children of my own, but I was as proud of her as an aunt can be, for having the courage to fundraise and for wanting to finish the ride on that 85 degree June day. I am also proud of her for challenging herself to do something about diabetes rather than doing what might be the more natural thing, hiding from life because trying to deal with diabetes is challenge enough.

For nearly six months we worked together on that goal, across the many miles that separate us. I wrote a training plan, answered fundraising questions, encouraged better sleeping habits, and “met” with her via Skype a few times.

It was an energizing experience. It was a tiring experience.

At the outset of each new endeavor we certainly feel the energy, often mixed with at least some fear, and eventually we arrive at the point of being a little, or a lot, drained by that cause or endeavor that so motivated us.

Perhaps you too find yourself beginning this new year like me, just living everyday life.

It seems to me to be inevitable that all of us will experience periods in our life that must be ensured. Life is rough.

Jobs no longer last for years. Everyone faces illness once in a while, and even temporary illnesses wear us down. Parents work to raise children who possess the skills and values to become productive and respectable adults. Adult children find themselves trying to figure out how to help parents who need more help than they realize.

Sometimes just getting through the day takes all of the energy a person has.

When enduring the circumstances isn’t an issue but life has just become mundane, that might be the time to find something that inspires you, for the first time or once again.

I am a supporter of the Girls on the Run program. Thought it may sound like a developmental program for track, it actually combines running, or walking, or skipping – as long as we’re moving forward – with valuable life skills such as developing goals and strategies to achieve them. One could say I’m pretty passionate about it.

If I were to be completely honest about serving as a volunteer coach for GOTR, which I have done for six seasons now, I would tell you that it’s an incredibly rewarding experience, but it’s also a significant commitment. But, it’s a ten week commitment.

It allows us to be involved with the girls twice a week for two hours each session, plus our private prep time, and at the GOTR 5k, and at the end of season party, but then it allows us to return to our previous schedules after the ten week season has ended.

It may be that you need something like that, something that fits into a specific time frame given all that’s going on in your life. It may be that I do too. I am planning on coaching GOTR again this spring, but I am also still on the job hunt. I do hope that it works out so I can do both. I will also be happy to return to a less intense schedule once the season has ended, especially if I have started a new job.

It may be that you are considering something more intense and more long-term, like taking on an entrepreneurial role or becoming a foster parent.

Whether you commit an evening to a cooking class, 16 weeks to training for an endurance event, a year to hosting an exchange student, or decades to a business venture, the rewards for fitting that passion into your life can be great.

Mid March will come sooner than I realize, and it could give me the chance to once again inspire and be inspired by the girls who will be on my team. Beyond that though,  I am committed to finding ways to fit those interesting yet challenging things into my life.

If you are doing something new, or returning to a past endeavor, leave me a comment so that we can be inspired by your interests and causes.