And Another Auld Lang Syne

What happened in your life in January, February, March…June, and July?

I actually remember very little about what happened in January, though things were quite different in my life then than they are now, at least professionally. I was still employed as a part-time biology tutor at the local community college.

The college doesn’t begin classes until nearly the middle of the month, and the very next week takes a day off in observance of the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. That’s likely why I don’t remember much of January. It seems not much happened.

I do remember February, and some of what I continue to remember I wish I could selectively and permanently erase from my mind. The summer months – I don’t remember much of those, except that I had made it a goal to be out in the sun as much as possible. From the tan that even I was able to achieve, I would say I was successful.

It’s often the case that as life rolls on day after day, month after month, year after year, we really don’t remember, or perhaps notice, much of it. It just happens, often as the stuff we call everyday life.

Then at the end of the long year that has passed us by comes the holidays with the lights, the decorations, the gifts, the reunions with family and friends, and the anticipation of a new year.

There was a time when I loved the new year because I really did see it in the childlike way that I saw new things – different, fun, and exciting. Then I grew up and realized that things are rarely different on January 1st, or January 2nd, than they were on December 31st.

The tasks are the same; the challenges are the same; the things that didn’t happen – usually the “bad” things – the year before are even more likely to happen this year, because they didn’t happen last year.

In reality though our expectations about what is likely to happen in the new year, valid though many of them may be, are often just guesses that are like little wisps of steam rising from a teakettle. They exist but then quickly evaporate leaving little if anything behind.

As I sit and ponder plans and goals for 2020, I know that I truly don’t know what will happen in 2020. Some of our best guesses about what would happen in 2019 were wrong, and in some cases we’re grateful for that.

Fatalistic though my adulthood approach to a new year may sound, I do have hopes both for family members and for myself.

My young nephew is expecting to graduate in 2020, and probably to participate in convocation on his birthday in June. He will then continue on with his life in ways that he’s likely unsure of at this point. While that can look a little daunting to a young person, I hope it looks exciting, because it is.

I also know some people who are at, or nearing, the other end of life, and that can be hard on everyone involved. Working through those struggles that providing care and support bring into one’s life and the lives of family members can be tedious and tiring.
That’s one reason I so enjoy the vibrant energy of my young family members. Honestly, I need that balance in my life.

As I look ahead to 2020 with mixed feelings, as I have nearly every year as an adult, I believe that I need to focus more on living “in the moment.” Cliché though it may be, it is the primary way to rid one’s self of the worry that can drain a person, and it is perhaps one way to actually remember more of the things that make up the moments and the days that so quickly pass us by.

Living in the moment doesn’t preclude me from making plans. Generally the day before, I have in my mind my plans for the day to come. I have long-term plans as well; that being said, I also have a husband so our plans need to match. When that doesn’t happen, I plan to work more on the things that are specific to me and to achieving the goals that I have set for myself.

Goals that I have set for myself for 2020 do include a typical new year’s resolution; I need to lose weight. As importantly, though these goals should work in lockstep, I need to see cholesterol numbers change for the better, LDL lower and HDL higher, and I need to see blood glucose and blood pressure numbers remain in healthy ranges.

I also have professional plans; in particular, I plan to do more writing that is targeted for specific publications – publications that pay.

I also plan to continue to donate, recycle, and toss things in preparation for a move that will one day no longer be “next year,” but will become “this year.”

And I will have to do what all of us will have to do in 2020. We will have to adapt to the interruptions, the challenges, and perhaps even the tragedies that will come into our lives. Wouldn’t it be great if we were given the opportunity to adapt to the best of the changes that could come our way. Perhaps we will.

As it stands now, some 31 hours before the new year, this New Year’s Eve will be a quiet little dinner out. So, I believe I will plan a New Year’s Eve party for December 31, 2020. I had such a good time hosting the New Year’s Eve party on December 31, 2018 that I need to do it again because I also need to plan for more fun in 2020.

How different will my life look a year from now….

Happy New Year, and Happy New Decade! Make the best of 2020.

Light Shines Through the Darkness

December, what a wonderful month when you’re young: two weeks off school, sleeping in, snowy days, hot chocolate, and of course Christmas.

For me Christmases meant being with family, even through my single adult years; enjoying the music; doing the baking; seeing the lights – everything that made Christmas merry and bright.

For the last several years Decembers have been vastly different though.

Last year we spent a day in early December traveling from one small town to another to another. Our first stop was to be with my husband’s daughter during an infusion treatment for MS. The second stop was to take our turn in the rotation of family members giving his son-in-law some assistance with their three toddlers during dinner, baths, and bedtime that evening.

It was on that evening, as we drove to our third stop to check into our hotel for the night, that I had a terrible panic, in the car in the dark.

It was neither the first panic attack I had experienced in my lifetime nor the first December in my recent past that the darkness seemed to overwhelm me.

I remember how important the Advent readings at church had become to me, two years ago I believe it was. That year each reading had concluded with the words: ” The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

I held on to those words that year as I tried hard to accept the terms of my life, particularly the limitations that being visually challenged had placed on me and how much in conflict those limitations were, and are, to my having any independence and success.

Back to last year, it was on December 27th after we had visited my husband’s sister in ICU, during one of her many, many hospitalizations, that I had another horrible panic attack. The panic attack didn’t “break” as we were driving home, but in a cruel twist it had continued to get worse.

The night was unusually warm. A misty rain was in the air, and the darkness of that night was like a presence surrounding me.

As this December approached, I noticed that I was starting to fear the darkness, though I have been doing well again since spring, with the help of counseling, exercise, and effort.

The thing that concerns me most is that I had done well before too, after weekly counseling sessions and a lot of work, so much so that I thought I would not have to deal with panic attacks as severe as those of the past few winters ever again.

Remembering how bad it had become last year and literally seeing flashbacks of those dreadful moments when I closed my eyes made me think that the darkness could envelop me again this year.

It was on December 19, as the winter solstice and the shortest period of daylight approached, that I woke up around 7:00 a.m. I saw the moon, hazy, but shining in the sky through the window above our bed.

Every day this past week has been sunny, unusually so for Michigan in winter. I wondered if maybe I was seeing a bit of God’s kindness to His child who had for several Decembers – several winters actually – endured the darkness.

As I suffered through those painful and lonely experiences in the years past I kept turning back to the true reason for Christmas, the Emmanuel story, God with us.

Were it not for my faith in the baby born in the manger, for the completion of His mission, and for the hope that His resurrection has given us, I don’t know how I would have survived the darkness.

I began to realize this year that though the darkness had surrounded me, the Light lives within me. The darkness may threaten, in fact it will because sometimes life is so very hard, but the Light still shines, and the darkness will never overcome it.

Matters of faith can be difficult for those who don’t believe. And they can be difficult for those who do believe. Our suffering isn’t always alleviated; our illnesses aren’t always healed; and our complex questions don’t always get answers either.

If you find yourself facing darkness this Christmas, step into a church that’s having a Christmas Eve service. Perhaps there you will find what you need, or at least something very much worth additional exploration.

During those most difficult moments I was focused on surviving. Through the quiet tears that followed those terrifying moments, a faith I had know since I was a kid lived. It’s something you have to experience to understand. I hope you give it consideration.

Note: If you are in crisis and need immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255.

Or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741

How the Grinch Politicized Christmas

It was in 2005 when I worked for an organic ingredients broker as a purchasing agent that I volunteered to work on a committee of about six people to put together our office Christmas party. We were instructed to call it the Holiday Party and to choose colors other than traditional greens and reds.

We created lovely flyers and invitations with RSVP cards for menu selections that were adorned with snowflakes and wispy swirls in various shades of blues and hues of purple. They really were quite festive and wintery, exactly what management wanted for our event. I wasn’t at all surprised by the design suggestions, given the location and type of business.

The company employed people from Jewish backgrounds, and people who celebrated Winter Solstice, and people who likely celebrated Festivus which, as it turns out, is actually more than a Seinfeld thing. It is said to be celebrated on December 23, “a secular alternative to the pressures and commercialization of Christmas.”

I don’t take issue with the diversity of holidays that are celebrated in December. I once wrote an article about Hanukkah and enjoyed learning about the history behind the lovely celebration.

It’s not even Happy Holidays with which I take issue. The words “Happy Holidays” have been part of songs that long pre-date our current climate of offense and politicizing of nearly everything from the Salvation Army’s Red Kettle Drive to the songs played in stores to the commercials on TV.

I had mindlessly half watched the commercial for Peloton for weeks. I would occasionally think it seemed a bit elitist. As a person who thinks fitness should be available to everyone, I still support a company’s right to market to whoever they like, and Peloton isn’t marketing to the “everyman.”

When my husband told me that the ad had been deemed offensive for being sexist and for “body shaming,” I laughed. The woman in the commercial, who received the Peloton bike, and the service that allows riders to participate in live-streaming classes, is stick skinny. It was difficult for me to see how the TV commercial husband had “shamed” his little TV commercial wife. That’s an expensive gift too, people.

My husband was off that day, and we had to make our usual trip into town to deal with family issues. We had the sports talk radio station on in the car. The conversation that was taking place about this new controversy was entertaining.

From the “You must wear lululemon in order to ride the Peloton,” to “And you couldn’t possibly exercise on it unless your apartment has floor to ceiling windows that overlook the city skyline, or a river with a bridge,” I found the comments to be outright funny, and to further confirm my point that it’s more elitist than it ever was sexist.

Though they’ve been airing another version of the ad, I have seen the “offensive” version a few times since it had been declared to be so. I’ll never own the product (I have an excellent bike – a birthday gift from my body shaming husband – on a trainer so I can ride all winter), but I was somewhat pleased to see that they didn’t pull the ad outright.

And then came the Hallmark channel controversy.

Though I don’t watch the Hallmark channel, I know that their Christmas movies have become a significant part of the traditions of many families. It seems that people enjoy the channel and its content in part due to the channel’s (now former) commitment to remain “neutral,” choosing to remove itself from political controversy, and choosing not to air movies with an “R” rating, and to “keep it clean” in general.

If I had known that it had been the intention of the powers that be to give the viewers an escape from all of the political noise and the cultural drama, I would have chosen to watch it more.

But that’s no longer the case. At the request of a reported 60,000+ viewers who signed a petition, a “lesbian wedding” ad placed by Zola, a wedding planning service, was pulled. At the insistence of GLAAD (formerly the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation), Crown Media Holdings, the owner of the station, apologized for the hurt it had caused by pulling the ad.

If you look at the GLAAD website, you’ll see in large font at the top, “We want 100% acceptance!” I expect that acceptance is actually not what this group wants though.

Acceptance is dull. It looks like people who are content that you have the freedom to live your life just as they have the freedom to live theirs. It looks like normal, day-to-day life, exchanging a brief greeting with a neighbor as you both leave for work in the morning, passing the time in a line at the grocery store, or working on a project at the office.

Those of us who are accepting treat people like we would want to be treated. We make an effort to be kind to the barista at the coffee shop even not knowing much about the person behind the counter, maybe only that they’ve endured another cold, dark winter morning just like we have, and that they’ve started another work day just as we will in a few moments.

Accepting people don’t ask if a person is gay, straight, or trans – or Christian, Muslim, or atheist – but maybe we should because then we could feel better about ourselves for being more “woke” because we treated someone well even though they’re not in our tribe.

If that sounds absurd, it should, because it is.

It’s also interesting to note that placing people into the narrow categories that have been created by current culture puts even more emphasis on those things than it seeks to remove.

The turning of nearly everything, including Christmas, into a politicized controversy is exhausting.

It is my opinion that most of us truly do seek a quiet life free from political noise and drama, especially at the holidays.

By choice I have been far less active on social media, to the extent that I’ve even chosen to “snooze for 30 days” sites and posters with whom I actually agree in order to focus on Advent and on what the Christmas season represents in my life.

Still social media can be a tool for good as well, in that the church we attend has posted a daily Advent scripture passage and prayer, read by a church member, on their Facebook page. Fortunately I’m notified about those posts so I don’t have to be on looking for them. Others have also been sharing Advent and Christmas and general messages of peace, hope, and light as well.

My husband asked me what I want for Christmas. I honestly told him much of what I want now is intangible.

What I would really like is the chance to go to Christmas Eve service with my family, something that hasn’t happened for a long time, and to have a quiet, snowy Christmas listening to the music we’ve enjoyed for decades and eating the cookies made from the same recipes that grandma used to make cookies for her Christmas Eve gathering and watching movies that I’ve seen so often I could quote the entire script.

I’d like to celebrate Christmas in the way that I choose. I would like that for you as well. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, then I hope you spend whatever holiday(s) you choose to celebrate as you would like. That has been the beauty of this country for a long time. May it always be so.

In the Spirit of #GivingTuesday

For decades “Black Friday” has been a thing. More recently the Tuesday after the celebration of Thanksgiving has become recognized as Giving Tuesday, or #GivingTuesday for “hashtag activism” according to the world of the internet.

Due to the current climate, I haven’t been much of a fan of the concept of “activism” lately, but as I have pondered the concept of #GivingTuesday on the day itself, I decided that I’m more than okay with this kind of activism.

The main reason I hold a favorable view of the concept of activism in the case of #GivingTuesday is that some kind of activity is actually taking place. The point of the day is to make a charitable contribution to an organization that represents a cause about which you are passionate, so that makes this day about “putting your money where your mouth is” if you do participate.

I also believe that it represents the kind of positive energy that we need to see much, much more of in our country, and abroad. When the concept was presented in 2012, people clearly bought in, and now people make significant donations on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving – just because someone, in New York according to the version of the story I read, said let’s make this day about giving back.

As I’ve watched social media throughout the day, I’ve seen organizations making their presentations to their supporters and potential donors. I have watched as Big Cat Rescue in Tampa, Florida has been live throughout the day featuring their “Guatemala Tigers,” three tigers that were rescued from circus life after a law was passed in Guatemala prohibiting the use of animals in circuses. The three male tigers are young, and the cost to keep them in Florida at their forever home will be significant.

One of my favorite places is a similar animal sanctuary, Exotic Feline Rescue Center located in Center Point, Indiana. They too provide forever homes for tigers, lions, leopards, cougars, African servals, and other exotic cats that have been abandoned and abused. They house over 250 cats on their rural property.

Then I thought about Tigers In America, an organization that assists in placing these homeless felines throughout the country and provides either transportation directly or funding for transportation and other logistical costs that are involved in moving these animals to a safe, permanent home.

And there is Animal Defenders International (ADI), an organization that I learned about due to the arrival of the Guatemala tigers in Florida. They worked for nearly 18 months to place the circus animals, and their work in rescuing animals and preventing further abuse and exploitation will go on long after the Guatemala group of animals has arrived at their new homes.

I also thought about Michigan Orphan Kitten Rescue (MORK), and the work they do to help little abandoned kittens to have a chance at life. Their foster families are amazing. One woman stayed up all night to feed a kitten that weighed only 1.6 ounces to give that baby a chance. That kitten beat the odds, survived, and was adopted.

I learned about MORK as a Girls on the Run (GOTR) coach. Each season Girls on the Run teams participate in a community impact project, or a couple, of their choosing. This past spring our team cleaned up the school grounds with the support of a local organization dedicated to keeping the community clean and presentable. Our team also voted to help “puppies and kittens,” a common choice among GOTR teams. As the lead for that project, I found MORK, and our team collected items, like baby wipes, paper towels, and litter,  for the rescue center located only a few miles away.

Then my mind turned to people, and to their health and well-being. My niece was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was eight years old. When she was about 16, she and I rode in a Tour de Cure cycling fundraiser for the American Diabetes Association. And I once ran a half marathon as a fundraiser for Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF). Both organizations are working to crack the genetic code to find a cure for T1D. Not only do we plan to ride in another event in the near future, but we also hope to see them succeed at their mission of finding a cure.

I also thought about my cousin, diagnosed just before Christmas last year with late stage ovarian cancer. Nearly a year later, she is in remission. The American Cancer Society is certainly another worthy recipient of support on #GivingTuesday.

My husband’s daughter has MS, and unfortunately in her case it has no mercy even though she is the mother of three children under the age of five. The disease continues to progress rapidly leaving her and her husband wondering what the future will look like for their family.

I shared all of that information and those stories not only to let you know what I am passionate about, and why, but also to illustrate what I came to realize today. The causes worthy of our support are vast. I could have named several more that I am connected to in a personal way, and so many more worthwhile organizations exist in addition to those.

These needs, these causes – the people we know and love who are hurting; the magnificent, innocent animals abused because of greed; the young children abused for reasons incomprehensible to nearly everyone; humans bought and sold like disposable goods – these things are worthy not only of our hard-earned money but of our time and attention.

They are much more worthy of our energy and attention than so many of the things that are currently grabbing for it. It is these causes that can unify us.

Think about it. People working together on any or several causes of importance come from a variety of backgrounds and are diverse in ways ranging from ethnicity to age. Hope lives in this kind of coming together. Perhaps we should start focusing more on the things that matter than on the divisiveness we’re baited to buy into on a daily basis. It could be in that coming together that we could actually make even more of a difference in our communities, our nation, and our world.